For me death was scary.
Having lost my father at a very young age in circumstances beyond imagination; death scared me. The thought of visiting anyone who had lost a dear one would give me panic attacks. The thought of losing my own loved ones made me horrific. The thought of my own death, of getting lost in oblivion was terrifying.
… And then mummy had multiple strokes. From leading a dignified life, doing her own chores, listening to music, enjoying her daily soap, sitting in the sun … to being bedridden and dependent on medical science to prolong her very existence and on others to do what required no effort at all earlier. Dependent on others to feed her, change her and look after her every small need. Her thoughts turned onwards as she talked to herself and analysed her predicament. Medicines and hospital equipments keep her alive .. in a vegetative state. Once she got the strength she accepted her state. She pulled out the feeding tube. The pain of the tube was not what she wanted. At peace with her condition she wanted us to be prepared when she would exit the world. How matter of factly, she told us to lay her on the floor with her legs facing south! She explained how that would make her soul exit easily. She asked me, my brother and sister in law, to give her gangajal. She told us to get seven grains which in Hindu customs , is donated by those on a death bed. She also donated jaggery to the cow, considered sacred in our religion. She gave her blessings to each and everyone. When asked if she was afraid of death, she answered in the negative. Her face had that calmness you see when a little child is asleep.
Seeing her in this tranquil and peaceful state, death no longer was a terrifying or horrifying monster. It is just the pause before another action. I, as a daughter know that she soon will leave the mortal coil; be free from the pains of tubes and punctures and prodding. She will meet her long lost loved ones and keep watching over us and showering her blessings on us till we meet again in some other zone.
Death no longer scares me.
Musings 